Relationships or Ruin?

*Photo by charlesdeluvio onUnsplash

There were a lot of LinkedIn posts at the start of the year about 2026 being the year of relationships and that we should focus on meeting more people and truly connecting if we want our businesses to thrive.

Now - I'm not saying they're wrong. I'm obviously here for it, all in.

But it's a really easy thing to say, and I don’t believe it actually helps anyone.

Because most people already want to build good relationships, want to spend more time with the people that they enjoy spending time with.

But where  they struggle is converting that into tangible value - because it just feels awkward turning those conversations into commercial outputs. That underlying fear that someone's going to think you're only being friendly to them because you wanted something from them all along. Even if that isn't the case, it takes knowledge & skills to be able to do this effectively in a scalable manner.

So just having more meetings and seeing more people isn't the answer.

Don't get me wrong. Yes, of course, if you meet more people, then more organic stuff will naturally happen. But organic is not a strategy - it’s a mixture of hope and chance. It belongs on food labels, not your business plan.

That’s because an organic approach takes a huge amount of time to deliver any meaningful results, and that is time that most businesses in today's market just don't have.

And it's what typically births the absolute misconception that you can't scale referrals.

Now, again, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you shouldn't have meetings with people just because you want to and feel like being curious. Curiosity is the birthplace of opportunity, after all.  Actually, just being in the company of good people with no real agenda is a wonderful thing to do, we’re here for a good time, not a long time after all - but if you do genuinely want to scale relationships and word of mouth as a channel, you're going to need to be intentional.

This is where you might start to feel a little bit icky - but intentional is the place that sits between the lack of strategy that is organic, and then the pushy sales, manipulation, and non-authentic connection tactics that we see all to often across multiple platforms that makes most of us, myself included, recoil in horror. The source of the ick.

The only thing icky about how I approach leveraging human connection is the work leverage. I wish there was a better word, but it’s better than monetize or commercialise, but essentially there is nothing wrong with making the most of these high-value human relationships that we've built - as long as they're founded on genuine, authentic connection.

It's actually just about helping the people that want to help you to do so. Because the right people do want to help you. It's hardwired into our DNA. We're tribal in our nature; we want to connect with people that we share values with, and we want to connect them to other people that share those values. Community is at our core, and while over the course of time we've drifted away from that in a commercial sense, in today's AI world which on the face of it takes us further away, there seems to be a parallel channel swinging back to these more traditional values. 

So how do we move our friendly relationships that we deeply cherish, into ones that drive results in an intentional way, without losing what makes them special in the first instance? 

Here's some tips for you, set out by a few different demographics.

Clients.

First up, your clients. Now, if you're still unfortunate enough to work with the odd asshole client, don't ask them for referrals, because they will likely know other assholes and you don't want to be working with any more of those. (see previous note about being here for a good time not a long time)

But for those wonderful clients that you love and would love more of, it's not enough to just do good work for them.

The fundamentals of how you get referrals are, of course, being really fucking good at what you do and being really nice people at the same time. People refer you for what you do, not what you sell. It's about the value you deliver, not the specifics of your service.

But if you just do good work, they might say that they recommend you all the time, but what they mean is they're just mentioning you, not actually introducing you to people. Even when they do, if you don't educate them on what a good prospect looks like for you then maybe you get the wrong referral, someone that's not quite right, but you feel obliged to talk to, maybe even accept the work, because of who it comes from. That’s not ideal for anyone. 

When you're intentional about asking for referrals, you get the right referrals. And it's just about making it easy for people to identify and introduce the right people. Helping people to help you.

There’s a bunch of ways to get specific introductions to people that feels as natural as asking a favour from a friend, but as a general strategy Situational Niching is the one most people feel most comfortable with once they become accustomed to it.

It’s about understanding the problems you solve, and asking people to introduce you when they come across people who are in that situation. People refer you for what you do not what you sell - and what you do is solve a problem.

This method flips the dynamic from a sales activity (introducing anyone that fits your ideal client profile to you right now) to a problem-solving one - so your referrer feels that they're doing the person they’re introducing to you a favour rather than you.

Getting the wording right for these stems from understanding your moments in time and triggers.

*Moments in Time: these are specific points in a person's or business's journey where your service is most needed, relevant, and easiest to sell. This could be a stage in their brand development (rebrand, launching into a new sector or product, outgrowing their existing marketing), their internal growth (hiring their first employee, or their tenth!), a specific time of year (tax season), or a reaction to a negative experience (outgrowing their current provider).

*Triggers: These are what people are actually saying in day-to-day, human language during those moments. Triggers are not the polished marketing copy on your website; they are the candid complaints, frustrations, and aspirations people share in casual conversation. They are mini-stories and powerful hooks that stick in the referrer's mind. So that when they hear them - it triggers that they should introduce you.


So that’s the specifics of the request, but how do you ask in the first place? The trick is doing it in a much more human way. Taking a deep breath at the end of a client review meeting and going, "Do you know anyone else who needs our services, they might be saying x (your trigger)” isn't going to cut it. The request needs context and framing so that when the time comes your potential referrer knows what to say, and the other person is eager to be introduced to you because they know that you're going to help them, not that they're going to be pitched to.

Helping people to help you, but helping others too. What could be more community driven and human then that? But the upshot is you get conversations with ideal prospects who are in the right place to need your services.


Your close network

Gaining referrals from your close network works in a very similar way. It's about helping them to help you by giving them context and giving them the specifics they need to know who an ideal referral is.

But many people feel more comfortable asking here - maybe because there’s a thought that there’s less riding on it? (although paradoxically when a client makes an introduction it actually brings them closer as they are putting more trust in you - trusting you with their reputation with the referred party).


Partners

We then step up a notch to those people in your network who are really aligned with what you do. You might even class them as partners.

One thing I just want to point out here is you can have people that you really enjoy spending time with. On the face of it, your services are really well aligned and not competing, but if actually you're competing for the same pot of budget with a client, then introductions may just never happen - particularly when times are hard. That doesn't mean the relationship isn’t one to be intentional about - and with honestly being the best policy you can have the conversation about budgets, and then you look to do things in other ways - joint offerings & co-marketing.
 

This is about finding that wonderful place where both your values, your services, and the value you offer to others overlap, and putting out brilliant content to each other's audiences that adds value to everyone. So it's not about direct introduction; it's about exposure and seeing what comes from that.

Sticking with the partner theme it's really important to understand where you sit in the customer lifecycle to then understand the partners that are going to be able to refer you consistently and the partners that you're more likely to refer more work to. Cross-referrals are wonderful, but it's very, very rare that there will be an even spread of referrals.

For example, a web development agency is much more likely to be able to pass consistent leads to a copywriter than a copywriter is the other way. This is because normally, by the time the copywriter is working with the client, they've already got a website or have decided on their developer to do that. It's just the natural way of the world.

Understanding where you sit in the ecosystem will make it much easier for you to build relationships with the right level of expectation, which means they can stay friendly rather than disgruntled. It means that when you go out to events, you can spend your time intentionally building relationships with those people that might be able to provide you leads, unless of course you're specifically looking for a service partner.

So there are some specific instances of how to work different relationship types, but I want to finish off with a few of tips on how to build and add value to relationships at all levels.

They’re not rocket science, and you may have heard them before, but these are ones that when I mention them in talks people get the most value from hearing again.

The law of reciprocity

If you do good stuff for other people, you are 100% more likely to get other stuff back. People feel naturally obligated to want to repay the favour.. Now, you should never do it just for that reason. Do it because you want to, but it is how it works. I mentioned cross referrals before and how that in most instances that doesn't work, and that isn't what this is about. If you openly give, if you are openly known as someone who connects people, then other people will give referrals and introductions, and connect you, even if you don't do it for them. You will be known as someone who openly gives and helps and supports others, which means you will get more support in return. Make that introduction, connect the dots, be that person.

Givers gain

A similar one to above but broader. If you come across an event, a book, something of interest, something funny or thought provoking that you know someone else will like be the person that actually sends the message rather than just thinking about it.


The fortunes in the follow up

You never get a second chance to make a first impression, but how you back that up speaks volumes also. So when you meet someone and feel there’s a relationship worth nurturing instead of just scanning their LinkedIn QR code, connecting and thinking no more of it - actually follow up properly.

A personal message goes a long way, adding something from the two sections above goes even further. 

Remember to do the little things

Because they really do matter. Remember when someone's birthday is, or anniversary, or them going on that holiday, anything. We all want to do this, but if you’re like me typically what happens is you’d remember after the fact and then feel guilty and annoyed that you forgot. So add a reminder in your CRM or spreadsheet or whatever else you use. It's not cynical; it's the same as having your friends and family's birthdays on a kitchen calendar.

Which leads me onto a final overarching point about building and nurturing relationships.

And it’s that all this has to be done with genuine, authentic intent. You can't force this. People can sniff out insincerity from a mile away. Rather than doing things not because you want to, but because you think you're getting an end result, you take the actions because you want to and you believe it's the right thing to do. The rewards will follow.


And that's my closing point on this piece. You 100% can scale and leverage your relationships to grow your business and thrive, but only if your relationships are built on trust & authenticity. All things being equal, people do business with, and refer business to, people they know, like, and trust, and the ‘like’ bit is crucial. More content to come on that.

But for now I really encourage you to think about the relationships you have. Yes, think about how you can strengthen them by spending more quality time within them, but then think about how you can strengthen them in the ultimate way by helping people to help you.

And if you want help to develop your own skills or your teams, then this is what I do. Through training, workshops and consultancy I help people leverage human connection in a process driven, scalable, but deeply human way. Get in touch if that sounds interesting.